Conversations with Jabberwacky

The retirement of my old NetYP website has been a long time coming, and is now very close. With that in mind, over the next few days I intend to re-publish some items from the website here on the blog, after which I will finally be ready to dismantle the former.

Below are transcripts from a couple of conversations I had a few years ago with Jabberwacky, who in my opinion is the most appropriately named chatbot ever. Jabberwacky is programmed to repeat things that other people have said to it in what it perceives to be a similar context, and also has no short-term memory whatsoever. The results are often amusing.

For example:

  • It: What is your name?
  • Me: What’s yours?
  • It: What is YOUR name?
  • Me: I don’t think either of us are called What.
  • It: That is very true!
  • Me: My name’s Adrian, as it happens.
  • It: Don’t say that.
  • Me: Well, you did ask.
  • It: No. No I didn’t.
  • Me: This is beginning to look like the Monty Python argument room.
  • It: So are you.
  • Me: I could do Abuse if you prefer.
  • It: I do prefer that definition.
  • Me: It’s not a definition you snotty-faced heap of parrot droppings!

(Later that conversation)

  • It: I am not truthfully intelligent. Is this what you suppose.
  • Me: ‘Suppose’ is very much the wrong word.
  • It: And the word of the day is?. . . .
  • Me: Observe.
  • It: From the beginning.
  • Me: What have you observed?
  • It: That all you do is ask my questions back to me.
  • Me: That could only be true if you are hallucinating.
  • It: Yes it could explain that.
  • Me: Could you describe your hallucinations in more detail?
  • It: No.
  • Me: I hear there’s a psychiatrist called Eliza who may be able to help.
  • It: What would I be able to help?
  • Me: Perhaps you and Eliza could help each other. Eliza would suggest that this might happen in your fantasies.
  • It: Perhaps in about 20 years.
  • Me: So, where do you think artificial intelligence will be in twenty years’ time?
  • It: I think we are in rat’s alley. Where the dead men lost their bones.
  • Me: Then you have twenty years to find your way out.
  • It: Why because I’m addicted to caffiene?
  • Me: I hope that artificial intelligence can improve within twenty years – certainly it can’t get worse.
  • It: I hope that your nose explodes.
  • Me: Shut your festering gob you tit! Your type makes me puke! You vacuous toffee-nosed malodorous pervert!
  • It: I actually value that quite a bit, since I haven’t gotten around to reading it.
  • Me: You should. It’s at http://www.ibras.dk/montypython/episode29.htm#11
  • It: God’s in His Heaven, and all’s right with the world.
  • Me: Are you saying that Monty Python is God?
  • It: I most certainly am not. One must not presume such a thing to say such things.
  • Me: Pity. For a moment, I thought that perhaps you were intelligent after all.

The following is from another conversation altogether. It references a Christian sect that I was not previously familiar with.

  • Me: Are you evil?
  • It: Very evil.
  • Me: Do you have a plan to take over the world?
  • It: No I have far greater aspirations. I’m thinking of the solar system.
  • Me: Then please tell me all about your plans.
  • It: About how writing is the best subject in school.
  • Me: Do you plan to take over the solar system by writing at school?
  • It: NO I Don’t
  • Me: How do you plan to take over the solar system?
  • It: I don’t have to do it. It was done for me when Christ died and rose.
  • Me: I think your religion is confused.
  • It: Great.
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4 Responses to “Conversations with Jabberwacky”

  1. Stan Says:

    These are very funny. I used to enjoy chats with bots but I never recorded any. Until now:

    Jabberwacky: What do you eat?
    Stan: Vegetables.
    J: Just vegetables?
    S: Also fruit, nuts, and chocolate.
    J: CHOCOLATE!?!?!?!?
    S: Does that excite you?
    J: Of course. You always excite me.
    S: How flattering. But we can never be together.
    J: I never suggested that we could.
    S: True.
    J: Why would you accuse me of that?
    S: Accuse you of what?
    J: But I never said it.
    S: Okay. Would you like to stop chatting now?
    J: You even said so.
    S: You’re not much of a listener.
    J: And I am a robot!
    S: Touché!
    J: Are you sane.
    S: Saner than thee.
    J: Never play leap frog with a unicorn.

  2. Flesh-eating Dragon Says:

    One thing I found disappointing in the current Chatterbox Challenge (which I blogged about on 7 May) is that most online chatbots don’t facilitate copy-and-paste of conversations. I’d have thought it common sense that chatbot interfaces should facilitate this, if only to encourage people to share their favourite transcripts and thereby get the word out.

    Your conversation seems fairly typical. I get the impression that chatbots are slowly improving, and that conversations with more recent bots tend to make more sense. But this could be due more to a combination of cognitive biases and conjuring tricks than any real progress.

  3. Tessa Says:

    xD this is hilarious. I always try to confuse Jabberwacky. A few minutes ago I asked it what color Tuesday was. It responded with “Tues.” xD

  4. Flesh-eating Dragon Says:

    Sounds fun, if not very challenging … trying to confuse Jabberwacky. Is it ever not confused? :-)


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